Call me gullible. Call me naive. But when I first saw Chris Brown’s performance at the BET Awards I didn’t question the authenticity of his tears. My initial reaction wasn’t, “What a punk!” I just took the moment in for what I perceived it to be – raw, unscripted, emotion.
In the ensuing hours, every celebrity tabloid on the planet was ripping him apart with “expert” analysis of the situation and instant replays of the tears. “Was this a desperate marketing ploy to save his music career? Were the tears real?”
Everyone was all too quick to assume negative intent and so eager to exert negative energy getting worked up about something we will never know for sure. It’s entirely possible that he faked his breakdown and that it was all a brilliantly choreographed publicity stunt.
But what if it wasn’t?
Think for a moment what would happen if we assumed positive intent. Assuming negative intent drains us. It saps us of our positive energy and makes us angry, frustrated, and just plain negative. Sure it is easy to dismiss Chris Brown as a immature, woman beating, egomaniac that should rot in hell. All those things may be true but how do you and I benefit by tearing him (or anyone else for that matter) down? The answer is we don’t. In fact, we never do. All we do do by thinking negative thoughts and giving them life through our words is successfully attract negativity and hate into our lives.
What if we decided to take a different approach and assumed positive intent by default. What if we stopped judging and contemplated the possibility that what we saw in Chris Brown was genuine emotion, a glimpse of raw humanity. Think of how inspiring the thought of someone actually looking in the mirror and consciously making a change can be. What if we allowed ourselves to believe in people again and their ability to change? Thinking about this possibility alone lifts my spirits, lightens my heart and encourages me to have faith in others.
Admittedly, we are a manipulated society. Polished politicians and slick talking, PR prepped celebs make it hard for us to know what to believe, who to believe or how to believe anymore. But the fact remains, you and I will never know what is in Chris Brown’s heart.
All that we have control over is our own hearts and minds and I hope that when given the option, you choose to fill them both with positivity and light verses negativity and darkness.
Independence Day, commonly known as the Fourth of July, is right around the corner! While this American federal holiday traditionally commemorates the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776, declaring US independence from the Kingdom of Great Britain, the BDG decided it was time to give the holiday a new twist by also celebrating independent womenlike YOU! That’s right, we are celebrating all the women out there who are I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T!
If you aren’t afraid to speak your mind, know your net worth and your self worth, make your own decisions, proactively manage your career or are living a life of purpose, we would like to celebrate YOU!
Are you an independent woman? Tell us why and you will be entered to win $100!
I am in the middle of planning my wedding. To some of my friends’ dismay, I have not obsessed about the occasion. Nor have I dreamed about this day since I was a little girl. What I did fantasize about was changing the world, becoming a pop star and one day meeting someone with a good heart who would love me unconditionally. It is finding the person who embodies all these values that gets me psyched the most! I often think to myself, “How the flip did I get so lucky?!” In my mind, I have already gotten the prize, the wedding is just an event to celebrate the awesome gift of love I was so very fortunate to find in my fiance.
The ring my fiance gave me is beautiful and has a simple band that holds a beautiful round solitaire diamond (its certified conflict-free so please no hate mail (wink)). To me, it serves as a consistent reminder of our commitment to each other and the love we share. But if I am truly honest, I know that it is also a status symbol. In some unwritten rule book, a women’s ring size has been deemed to be directly correlated to how much she is valued, how important she is in society and how much she is loved. I’m not really comfortable with this – although I guess in some weird way I benefit from it.
I even find myself becoming insecure about it at times – which is freakin’ ridiculous! I’ve noticed that if I am in a room with women without rings and I catch their eye glancing at mine, I think, “I hope they don’t assume I am some obnoxious, pampered and spoiled princess because of my ring.” If I am in a room where someone is wearing a ring the size of a small child on their hand, I think, “Geez, her rock is HUGE, who is she, she must be important?” It’s gotten to the point now where some of my newly engaged friends have even changed their FB pictures to pictures of their rings!
For me, rings go into the same category as designer bags. I love them, they are beautiful…but in the end they are just things. I don’t want them to define me and I darn sure shouldn’t let them make me feel more or less secure about myself. What matters in the end is the love. I know a few ladies who got big rocks and ended up divorced just a few years later. So, don’t let the bling blind you or make you feel less than you are (or more than you are for that matter).
I believe that true love shines from the inside out…and right now I am beaming.
What do you think? Have you ever felt insecure because of someone’s wedding ring or the fact that they have one and you don’t? Do you think the size of rings have gotten out of control?
You’ve no doubt heard of Fergalicious…well let the BDG introduce you to the concept of being Fruigalicious!
Fruigalicious
adj. 1. Highly pleasing to your wallet and your inner fashion Goddess
n.b. the word “frui” is the etymological root of the word frugal and it is Latin for “to enjoy.” To emphasize the joy of saving we decided to keep the spelling.
One of our Kick A$$ summer interns, Monique Johnson from Another TwentySomething did some digging on the web to unearth the best fruigalicious finds and here is what she found…
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Have you ever wondered how your friends are able to go out to 5-star restaurants at least once a week and receive frequent spa treatments? And you find yourself at home struggling to reduce your credit card balances. Isn’t it supposed to be a recession?!! It must be a big secret right?
Well, the BDG is here to put you “in the know.” Here’s a hint: the secret was briefly touched upon in a previous post, but I want to share a little more with you here. Below are the top online sites every Brilliant Dazzling Goddess should know about!
For the best deals on local city adventures check these sites out:
LivingSocial.com is a website that provides daily discounts of up to 90%. Once you buy a discount deal (note: you have 24 hours to purchase it), you are allotted a certain amount of time to use your “coupon”. You also have the opportunity to get the deal for free by sharing it with three other friends who also make that same purchase. Sounds like a sweet deal don’t ya think?! I have already taken advantage of the daily deals where I receive two bikini waxes that are 59% off and I have until November 18th to use them! You can’t beat that in the Big Apple! Don’t worry, LivingSocial has deals in multiple cities nationwide. So check it out today!
DailyDeals.com is a blog that provides daily discounts, clearances or freebies on retail, restaurants, entertainment, etc. These amazing deals are posted multiple times on their site so I suggest that you just sign up to their RSS feed.
For designer fashion at bargain prices try these sites:
Gilt.com is a website that provides large discounts on luxury items (Can you say Gucci purses?) of up to 70% for 36 hours only. However, it is by invitation only. If you don’t have any friends who are currently members do, you can go directly to the site and request membership. I have heard so many great things about Gilt! If you are granted membership, be sure to invite your friends and receive $25 after their first purchase.
Renttherunway.com is a website where you can literally rent the hottest and newest fashions!! All you have to do is make a reservation online and they will ship it you. Since we are talking about small wallets here, this is perfect for all us! We are all guilty of having that one dress that we paid a fortune for and only wore it once. Unfortunately, it is just collecting dust in our closets. RTR will help us save so much money and help make space in our closet too! Here’s the icing on the cake, the return shipping is free and RTR takes care of the dry cleaning!
Bagborroworsteal.com is another rental site but for high fashion hand bags! Jennifer Hudson, from the Sex in the City movie, is a prime example of how to take advantage of this site! Check out the scene here. They also offer rentals in jewelry and other accessories.
For some TLCtry these sites!
After a hard day’s work we all would like to be pampered and soothed without the distractions from life outside of work and home. So treat yourself to a hour or a full day at the spa! If you are in the U.K. you should checkout Wahanda.com! It’s an “ecosystem” that provides a plethora of spa and wellness listings in addition to the latest deals! If you are in the US, check out Spa-addicts.com! Their mission is to provide everyone a “spa lifestyle” through comprehensive listings along with the most current deals and solutions to wellness problems!
Whew! So you are now officially “in the know.” I hope you find these sites helpful!
What are some group discount sites that you are a fan of?
Yeah, yeah. I know you are priceless and your love, no money can buy. But amongst us girls, do you really know your worth?
Recently, I posted an article on our Facebook page about women’s net worth. Needless to say, the picture isn’t pretty. I was chatting about this with a good friend and we were both shaking our heads when she asked me…”So what is net worth anyway?” I knew then that I had to write this post.
Despite the lofty name, net worth is a simple formula really.
Said plainly, your net worth is how much you OWN minus how much you OWE.
If you owe more than you own, you have negative net worth. Our goal is to make sure that you have positive net worth.
So how do you know if what you have is an asset or a liability?
An asset is anything that you own that has positive economic value. Assets can be tangible like a house or intangible like stocks. The easiest way to think about whether or not something is an asset is to ask yourself, could I convert this thing into cash if I needed to? If you could exchange your car, your house, etc for cash then it is an asset. If, on the other hand, you tried to sell your house and instead you owed money – then what you have is a liability, not an asset.
A liability is something you don’t own but that you owe…something that has negative economic value. A few common liabilities include credit card balances, car loans, mortgages, student loans. Sound familiar? All of us likely have some type of liability hanging over our head. The goal, again is to try to minimize these as much as we can so that net, net we are positive.
Now it’s your turn to determine your worth…are you ready?? Some people are hesitant about this step. It can be scary. Trust me, with all the student debt I have I was a bit timid about doing the calculation myself. But hiding from the truth never helps anything, it just prolongs the inevitable. So chin up! We’re all big girls here. Let’s roll up our sleeves and do the math.
Attached I have created the BDG “Know Your Worth” Net Worth Calculator just for you my BDG Crew!
Remember, its okay if your net worth is negative right now. We are still young and have years ahead of us to accumulated mucho assets! The important thing is that we all now have the knowledge to take action. You should check your net worth at least once per year to make sure you are heading in the right direction…positive!
We just launched our first BDG contest and we are psyched! (hence the big font )
Since summer is just around the corner, we know you will be on the hunt for new sandals, bags and accessories (on sale of course!). So we are giving away a $25 voucher to www.zappos.com to one randomly selected winner!
To enter, all you have to do is fill out a 1-minute survey by FRIDAY.
Last year this time I was still working in my high paying, finance job, kicking back in my corner office. This year I am a bootstrapping entrepreneur and my “office” changes daily from Starbucks to the Soho House depending on the day of the week.
There are a few tricks I have used to lower costs without sacrificing.
Here’s the top 3:
Buying Drinks at the Club/Pub. Instead of slapping down a tenner every time I want a Grey Goose and pineapple, I have decided to get the party started a little earlier in the evening by pouring myself some wine while I am getting dressed. An entire bottle of wine costs less than one cocktail at the club so I make sure that I have plenty to drink before leaving my house and then if I get a little parched while I am out I either order more wine (cheaper than cocktails) or sometimes I come across some Joe willing to buy me a drink in hopes of getting to know me better. Silly rabbit! (This trick alone has saved me about $50 bucks a month).
Random Shopping Sprees. I call it the “shopping diet.” Don’t get me wrong, I still shop. It’s just now all my shopping sprees are thoroughly planned, thank you very much! I allocate a certain dollar amount that I can spend each month on clothes and grooming. I take that money out as cash – not CREDIT- and then when I see something I want I just take out my envelope with my shopping money and spend the cash directly. If I don’t have enough, I can’t buy it. I have to wait until next month when I have a new “allowance.” By that time, the thing I had to have is usually replaced with some new hot item. This has done wonders for me because I don’t feel guilty about shopping, I know that all my expenditures are planned and on budget so I can shop with ease. (Conscious spending tricks like these have saved me on average $100 bucks a month).
Hair & Nails. Back in the day I used to get my nails done every other week, sometimes every week if I felt the need. I still get them done every week – I just do them myself. Yes, I am now the official DIY Queen. One reason is because it is very expensive to get beauty services here in the London ($70 USD for a mani *gasp*). So whenever I head back to NYC or DC on business I make sure to get a proper mani and pedi at more reasonable prices. In between trips, I just go to Sally’s Beauty Supply and purchase my own manicure kit and polish. This way I am good for at least a month in between professional jobs. I must say that my nails look pretty good for a DIY job. I also do my own hair. I bought a hooded dryer and some hair rods and spent a few hours on YouTube looking for videos on how to do the latest styles at home and that has worked out quite well. The one thing I don’t pinch on, however is my eyebrow shaping. That I leave to a professional. (My DIY regimen has saved me $100/month on average. That’s money in the bank!)
What? You want more?? Ok, here are two more tricks…
Entertainment. We never watch TV in my house. We watch TV Shows but none on TV mind you. I watch them on the computer – FOR FREE! Most of the shows that we want to watch we can view by simply logging on to Hulu.com, YouTube or buying an episode off of i-Tunes. We also watch movies this way – saving us 50% off the price compared to what we would have paid if we actually went to the movies. We still “go out”, we just do it in different ways. Like having a picnic in the park with friends or having folks over for Wii Parties. Good ‘ol fashion fun with less of a hurtin’ on the wallet.
Dining Out. I rarely dine out these days. Mostly because I am too busy working on my business. Also because I have really picked up my cooking skills this year. Cooking at home takes a bit more time but it is creative and I really enjoy mixing and matching recipes and discovering new dishes. My FI is a better cook then me so he often takes the lead in the kitchen as well. A great meal and a bottle of wine make a great evening no matter if they are enjoyed in a 5-Star restaurant or on a cozy couch. Check out this site for some great recipes from star chefs, www.cookstr.com.
In total I’m saving ~$400/month. That’s almost $5K a year! What are some of your Recessionista Trix?
First, I am going to go out on a limb and assume that you have read my previous posts which talks about credit scores, how to get yours for free and other tips and tricks.
So let’s dive right in. Here are the 5 Best Ways to Increase Your Credit Score:
1. Pay on time. (35% of your score)
Easier said then done sometimes, I know. But this one factor makes up 35% of your FICO score. If you have a big bill that you just can’t pay off entirely, make sure that at a minimum you are paying the minimum balance on time. The easiest way to ensure that this is never an issue is to set up automatic payments with your credit card by using the online bill payments tool associated with your reoccurring bills like cable, electricity, etc… While your at it, why not be green and sign up for paperless statements too? Let’s be real, you are much more likely to open an email with your bill statement than to find time to go through the stacks of bills that are collecting dust on your coffee table – right? Just make sure that you also are automatically paying off and reviewing your credit card each month. You should set this up so that your credit card bill automatically gets paid in full from you checking account monthly. This strategy only makes sense if you pay off your credit card bill each month.
If for some reason you can’t pay off your bill each month or make the minimum payment, always, always, always call the company and let them know. You can sometimes work out a payment plan that suits you both.
2. Keep debt low and credit high. (30% of your score)
For some of you this may sound confusing. Isn’t debt, credit? Au contraire, my little grasshopper. Debt is the amount of money you OWE or the total of all your outstanding balances on your various accounts. Credit is the maximum amount of money each credit card company is willing to let you charge or BORROW. So, say you agree to get that little Victoria Secret card the sales lady tries to hawk to you every time you go in to get some new under garments. If you charge your purchase and then pay off the balance immediately you have effectively increased your CREDIT and decreased your DEBT. Good Job!
Here’s where they get you though: some gals (dare I say a LOT of gals?) don’t have 1) the self discipline to not max out their credit limits or 2) the time to track and pay off the balance by the due date. This is what companies like Vickie Sickie are betting on! It is how they make more money – they not only charge you for that sexy new satin thong, they also get you paying interest on it! Which is not sexy at all. So don’t drink the “15% off your next purchase” Kool-Aid. Be honest with yourself. If you know you are too busy to worry about paying off 10 zillion cards from various merchants or that you can’t control yourself from maxing out the cards, don’t sign up for them. Its that simple. Just focus on paying off the debt you have on your existing cards.
Bottom line: the goal is to DECREASE your DEBT / CREDIT Ratio. If you have a good credit history, and honestly believe you can responsibly take on additional credit, another way of improving this ratio is by asking your credit card company for a credit limit increase. That’s the least they can do for all your good patronage right?!
Tips 3,4,5: Mix it UP, Don’t Cut Ties & Don’t Go Credit Crazy (35% of your score)
Don’t cancel old credit cards. I am definitely guilty of doing this one. Thinking I was being all “responsible” by canceling cards I wasn’t using anymore – WRONG! Credit history accounts for 15% of your score. The longer your history, the better, so even if you haven’t used your card or you want to reduce the number of cards you have so you won’t be tempted to spend, its better to just cut them up or put them in your sock drawer – then to proactively cancel them.
Mixing it up is a good thing when it comes to credit. FICO likes to see that many different types of institutions have given you credit, from retail stores to student loans to mortgages. This is not an excuse to go crazy with the cards – as always you need to proceed with caution and be honest with yourself, weighing the pros and cons. Lastly, never go credit crazy and open up a bunch of “new credit” at once. This will make FICO suspicious, “Why, all of a sudden does missy need 5 cards??” No matter how many free gifts or 0% offers you get, don’t go there.
The article below has some other tips on monitoring and improving your credit including a review of my fav www.creditkarma.com:
I was fortunate enough to attend a Google event earlier this week where I got to hear the Chairman & CEO of the Publicis Groupe (i.e. Gucci) speak about the brand. As a die hard Gucci lover, I of course listened intently. A few of his comments struck me. First he said that last year was Gucci’s most second profitable year ever. Cash flow for their company was up 60% … in the worst recession since the Great Depression, mind you! The key is that most of this growth was driven by their expansion into China, India and other emerging markets which are just starting to develop a solid middle class.
The second most profound comment he made was that Gucci was not in the business of selling products (handbags, shoes, etc.), it was in the business of selling dreams, stirring up emotions and fulfilling desires. Essentially the brand is designed to make you want things you don’t even know you want yet, get you emotional about it, make you feel as if you deserve to live the lifestyle you dream of and buy, buy, buy. I think they have done a pretty successful job at doing just that! Don’t you think? (You can hear his comments at minute 7:00, also listen to what he has to say about how Gucci “helps” women build self-confidence (22:20)).
This sentiment, this fiery emotional connection consumers have with products is at the heart of our current economic woes. Chasing the American Dream with our credit cards in tow. LOL! This got me to thinking, what are the implications of selling dreams? What happens when people no longer can afford to buy those dreams or find out that their dreams start to fade after purchasing a bag that scratches and fades throughout the years? Or their dream no longer is good enough because their neighbors’ dream came in a bigger size with a flashier logo?
Is it naive to think that we should be able to find that magic, emotion, desire via other means? Not to say that we shouldn’t buy a Gucci bag or pair of pumps simply for their beauty – just like art, they are adornments to be appreciated and cherished. I just can’t get comfortable with the thought of consciously allowing my self-esteem, my self-confidence, my aspirations, and desires to be so intrinsically tied up in a handbag. Now that the cat is out of the bag, I will have to think long and hard about my motivations before making my next purchase…
I received a Facebook message from a old high school friend the other day. He was commenting on the updated profile pic of me on a boat in Phuket, Thailand smiling with sunglasses on. His comment, “a far cry from the coffee shop at Nordstroms…”
He was referring to the time in high school when I worked at Nordstroms Cafe at the Topanga Mall in the valley (this was way before Starbucks was the behemoth it is today). One night, Farhad stopped by my job and we started talking about our chances of getting into college. We both were waiting to hear back and were debating about who would get into what school. Farhad had his money on me getting into UCLA. I on the other hand wasn’t so sure. UCLA was my dream school and while I was a great student, I just felt that it was a stretch since there were so many other overly-qualified candidates out there. Plus my pessimistic guidance counselors didn’t help. “UCLA is a great stretch school but maybe you should apply to some CSU’s as well”, they advised. Who was I to think that I deserved to be one of the chosen ones? So we made a bet. If I got into UCLA I would run around the high school track dressed as the Bruin Bear. LOL!
Fast forward 15 years and voila! you see this fly woman on a boat with shades on Facebook chatting about her most recent holiday to Phuket. This got me thinking about how we often put our best face forward in the public eye. We are eager to put up photos of our past holiday chillaxin’ poolside, or to tweet that we are at such and such event, with such and such celebrity…but at the end of the day that is really only part of our story isn’t it?
The other half, the not-so-fabulous half, is often the part that gives us the most character, strength and depth. But it is also the part that makes us vulnerable and exposed. So it gets hidden, buried beneath the shades and makeup. How cool is it though when you get the chance to peel back the layers and really get to know someone truly, beyond the public persona and hype?
When looking at my resume, no one sees all the adversity that I have overcome to get where I am today, they just see the nice polished end product. The ivy league degrees, the vacations, the accolades. But anyone who knows me knows that at the core, none of that has defined me as much as my life experiences before UCLA. None of it has shaped the woman I am today as much as my mom’s strong work ethic and steely independence, my grandmother’s stern lessons about self-love and self-respect and my father’s gregarious personality and intellectual curiosity.
Farhad’s comment reminded me of that day in the winter of 1994 when I didn’t have all the courage I have now. When I didn’t quite fully believe in myself just yet. All I had were big dreams and sheer hard work and determination. In fact, the first sentence of my college personal statement was, “Zealous, determined, and motivated.” Those words still ring true today and remain my greatest personal attributes.
I am in the middle of planning my 
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What's On Your Mind...